Dr. Beard is a facial hair aficionado, not in the casual sense, but in the way a scholar studies ancient texts. His beard is both a lifestyle and a philosophy, evolving with the seasons and occasionally serving as storage. Rumor has it he measures time by beard length, though he refuses to publish the data.
A master of the theremin, Dr. Beard specializes in summoning unearthly tones by waving his hands menacingly at the air. These sounds have found a home in some psychedelic band he insists is “more of a concept than a group,” where songs rarely end and reality is treated as a loose suggestion.
A devoted cinephile, Dr. Beard claims to have existed in four dimensions, which he says explains his ability to reference films that haven’t been made yet and remember scenes no one else recalls. Whether this is true or just another side effect of prolonged theremin exposure remains unclear, but one thing is certain: Dr. Beard has already seen this bio—and didn’t care for the ending.
